


let the colours run

by foggynelson



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, F/F, M/M, but idk this is very simon centric and stuff, i never know what to tag fics as so i basically never do, i really love soulmate aus but i never thought i could do one but here we are
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-27
Updated: 2016-06-27
Packaged: 2018-07-18 15:37:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,008
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7320922
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/foggynelson/pseuds/foggynelson
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Simon remembers the first time his mother described the colour red to him. She started by listing of things that were supposed to be red - tomatoes, the sky when the sunsets, a white person's skin after a long day at the beach. But no matter how hard Simon concentrated and tried to see the colour, everything was still gray.</p>
<p>aka everyone seems to find their soulmate except for Simon</p>
            </blockquote>





	let the colours run

**Author's Note:**

  * For [scalira](https://archiveofourown.org/users/scalira/gifts).



> Hi wow I haven't written in over a month and I know I have chapter fics to work on, but this is what came out instead. Oops.

Simon remembers the first time his mother described the colour red to him. She started by listing of things that were supposed to be red - tomatoes, the sky when the sunsets, a white person's skin after a long day at the beach. But no matter how hard Simon concentrated and tried to see the colour, everything was still gray. Not that he minded exactly. Other than adults, he didn't know anyone who could see colours. That was until he met Clary Fray. 

She could see them. At age ten, she talked about the brightness of yellow and the warmth of orange. She talked about how the colour purple always made her happy. She loved to draw and paint and everything she made looked good to Simon, but he could only imagine how much he was missing out on through his black and white filter. 

Despite being able to see colours, Clary has no idea who her soulmate is. She says she's been able to see colours since she was young. She doesn't remember not seeing them. She must have met her soulmate once when she was too young to even know it. That seems tragic to Simon. Simon misses colours - missing something he's never had. But he can't imagine having his soulmate with him at one point only to lose them later on.

Clary and him remain close for years. She becomes everything to Simon and at one point, Simon wonders if Clary is supposed to be his soulmate - that they met when they were young, but for some reason only Clary was given colours. He never tells Clary this theory. They don’t talk about the colours as much as they used to when they were young. More and more people around Simon are finding their soulmate and given this gift that seems to hide just out of Simon’s grasp.

And Simon’s okay with it. He longs for his soulmate - of course he does. He dreams of them, wonders what they will be like, what they will like, how they will get along. He gets a vague idea of what the person will be like. What he imagines the person to most compliment him will be like, what small things they’ll disagree on before kissing and agreeing to disagree. 

When Simon meets Jace, he doesn’t see colours but he almost feels like he can. The boy is nothing like Simon imagined his soulmate would be. Which works because he’s not. They’re not. But kissing him is fun and Simon feels safe and cared for. They never talk about colours. They never talk about them not being soulmates. They just enjoy themselves while they can.

Things are good. They are. Simon loves his band. Maureen is sweet and fun and they joke around and her voice is beautiful and Simon wonders if this is what a soulmate is supposed to feel like. This isn’t romantic - but it’s something, a deep connection, feeling like you another person were made to be together, in whatever sense. A friendship soulmate. He thinks that’s what he felt with Clary growing up. 

He doesn’t feel it with Jace and that scares him. He likes to imagine that the colours are coming for him, that one day he’ll wake up next to Jace and see his blonde hair, his mismatched eyes. It won’t, though. Not just because that’s not how the colours work, but he can feel these disconnects between him and Jace. He loves him. He does. But he wonders if that’s enough.

It’s a cold night out when it happens. They’re just leaving a movie, hands held, and about to cross the street. Someone walks past, bumping into Jace. He mumbles a “sorry” before walking away. 

Jace is looking to Simon’s left when he hears him whisper, “Oh my god.” Simon doesn’t think anything about it until Jace is repeating the phrase over and over again, and when he glances back at Simon, he’s crying.

“What’s going on?” Simon questions, completely confused. His boyfriend doesn’t cry. Okay. That’s not true. He’s cried a few times, but never in public. Never where other people can see his “weakness.” 

Jace opens his mouth to speak and the words hit Simon with such force he can’t breathe. “I can see them. The colours. I can _see them_.” Simon doesn’t know what to do. He’s never been around anyone when the colours come. A part of him wants to tell him that it’s just delayed, that the colours are for him. He knows they’re not.

Simon looks behind Jace and sees a man standing there, long dark hair, a confused look on his face. It’s the man that bumped into Jace and he realizes. That must be his soulmate. That must be him. Simon shakes as he lets go of Jace’s hand. “Go,” he says. Jace looks at him and Simon feels his hesitation. 

But Jace nods. He leans forward and kisses Simon’s forehead and whispers, “I love you,” before walking away. Simon thinks it’s stupid. A whispered “I love you” before going and being with the one you’re meant for. Okay. 

Unsure of what to do, with a glance at Jace and his soulmate, Simon crosses the street. He continues to walk, no real destination. He soon realizes he’s walking in the direction of Jace’s apartment and not his own, which is in the opposite direction. But he’s near Luke’s precinct and Simon hopes he’s working. 

He walks in, his head hanging, and he sees Alaric first. “Hey Alaric. Is Luke working?”

“Yeah, he’s actually just about to finish his shift. He’s just at his desk.”

“Awesome, thank you!” Simon manages to walk down the hall and reach Luke before he starts crying. But as soon as he’s standing there in front of his desk, tears begin to pour. He’s shaking. It takes a second before Luke looks up and sees Simon there. He doesn’t say a word, but stands up quickly and pulls Simon into a hug.

Simon wants to attempt to say something, explain himself so Luke doesn’t think he’s completely lost his mind. But he can’t speak. He cries against Luke’s chest. When he manages to stop crying, he steps away from Luke and apologizes.

“Don’t worry about it, kid. You wanna talk about what’s going on?” he asks.

Simon is quick to shake his head. He should talk about it, but he doesn’t know how. He feels stupid for being so sad about it. He always knew this was gonna happen. Jace and him weren’t gonna be together forever. He just… _he_ wanted to be the one who found his soulmate. Which is a mean thought and Simon hates thinking it, but he’s twenty-two and when is it going to happen? 

Instead he asks Luke, “What was it like when you first met Jocelyn? When you first saw colours?”

Luke gets this smile on his face that he always does when he talks about Jocelyn. “Well, you know she was dating my best friend. He brought her over to the apartment to introduce us. I saw her and I thought she was the most beautiful person in the world. Then she said hello and it just hit me. It started from the top of her head and the colours spread. I first saw her beautiful red hair and her eyes and her smile was so bright and lit up the whole room.

“It was funny because her outfit was really mismatched. It was this bright green shirt and this purple skirt. I just remember because my first thought was how bad it looked. And I felt horrible because I just thought something terrible about my soulmate! I wanted to reach out and grab her and kiss her and talk to her and know her, but she didn’t indicate that she saw the colours, too. That happens sometimes. Someone is right for you, but not the other way.

“And she was dating my best friend. Maybe he was her soulmate. So I didn’t do anything. I couldn’t stop staring at her, no matter how hard I tried. Part of me wanted to take in all the colours around me, but she was so beautiful I couldn’t see anything else.”

Simon smiles, a soft sad smile. Luke smiles wide in response. “It’ll happen for you, Simon. And until then, you have the best friends and family anyone could ask for. We all love you so much.” Simon nods. Luke always knows just what to say. 

“Thank you,” he says. “Also do you think I could get a ride home? I walked here.”

“Sure thing. Let me grab my stuff and we’ll go. We can even stop for milkshakes if you want.”

“I do want,” Simon replies with a grin. Luke flashes a smile and the two head out.  


* * *

  
Simon doesn’t leave the house for almost a week. Maureen comes over and they practice at his place. Clary visits him a few times and tries to comfort him, but it doesn’t help. Luke even stops by once with Chinese food. Simon knows he’s overreacting. But it’s not just Jace leaving him. It starts out that way, just sad that his boyfriend has found someone new.

But it spirals from there. Now it’s not that just Jace has left him - everyone else is gonna leave him too. Simon worries that he’ll never find his soulmate. He worries he doesn’t have one. That there’s something so fundamentally wrong with him that no one is right for him. 

Clary has to basically force him out of the house that Saturday night. “There’s a party,” she tells him. “Magnus is throwing a party. You remember Magnus?”

“I do and I remember that Magnus and Jace know each other so Jace is probably gonna be there with his soulmate. So I’d rather not go. But thanks, Clary.”

“You’re coming. You have to get out of the house and you have to get used to the idea that Jace is with someone. And you know you’ll never meet your soulmate if you stay in bed all day long.”

Simon hates to admit it, but she does have a point. He groans, but stands up. “I’ll go for an hour, okay? And just because I’m pretty much out of alcohol here.”

“Whatever. Just get dressed and let’s go. Actually, take a shower first, too, please.” Simon nods and does just that.  


* * *

  
The party is loud. That’s the first thing Simon notices. He has to cover his ears at first. Clary grabs hold of his arm and pulls him in. They stop at the edge of the dance floor and Clary looks around. She spots someone and pulls Simon along once again. When they reach the small girl, Simon pulls his hands off his ears and smiles.

“Simon, this is Isabelle. Izzy, this is Simon,” Clary says. 

“Nice to meet you!” Isabelle says, with a bright smile. She puts her hand out, which Simon takes, shaking. 

It takes Simon a second before he realizes who Isabelle is. Izzy. The girl Clary has been _obsessed_ with for the past few weeks. She’s just as pretty as Clary described, only he can’t see the colours she can. Her and Clary start talking quickly and Simon is left out. He looks around until he finds where the booze is and he makes his way to that direction.

On his way he sees Jace. Jace sees him too and Simon wonders if he can make his way to the door before Jace reaches him. At least he’s alone, Simon thinks too quickly as a second later he’s joined by his soulmate. They walk towards him and Simon’s feet are glued to the ground. Simon is stunned by just how beautiful the man is. It had been too dark and he too far away for Simon to have seen that night, but he is gorgeous. He smiles as he greets Simon.

“Hey,” Jace whispers. “Um, this is Meliorn.”

“Hi,” Simon replies. He’s sure he should say more but? What do you say in this situation? Thanks for taking my boyfriend away from me? 

“Jace has spoken so fondly of you. It’s great to meet you, Simon.”

“Right. Thanks.”

Jace turns to Meliorn and asks, “Do you mind if I talk to Simon for a sec?”

“Of course not. I’ll go get us drinks. You want anything, Simon?” Simon shakes his head and Meliorn walks off.

“How are you doing?” Jace questions.

“How do you think?” Simon scoffs.

“We knew this was coming,” Jace points out and sighs. “I really like Meliorn. It’s been just over a week and I already feel so connected to him. But I miss you, Simon. I want us to, I don’t know, be friends or whatever. You mean a lot to me.”

Simon nods. “Maybe someday. I’m not ready for that now.” 

“Okay. Just start tweeting again so I don’t have to worry that you’re dead, okay?”

“Will do.” Jace steps forward and Simon wonders if he’s going to hug him. He quickly steps back, though, and then walks away. 

Simon goes and gets himself a drink. When he’s there, he sees Magnus, who waves. “Hi Sarah!” he calls and Simon rolls his eyes. “It’s nice to see you out of the house. Clary told me what happened. I’m sorry.”

“Yeah well. It was bound to, I suppose. It almost seems silly to date anyone who isn’t your soulmate when you’ll just leave them once you found yours.”

“I guess, but I think you learn a lot about yourself when you’re dating someone, anyone. You learn what you like, what you don’t like. How you are with someone else on a bad day. Things that are good to know. Just because someone is your soulmate doesn’t mean things are going to be perfect.”

“Yeah? Are you saying you and Alec, what, just fight all the time?”

Magnus laughs. “Heavens no. We get along great. But Alec is sharp and intense and I am intense, too, and sometimes we disagree and we stop talking for a bit because we’re both so stubborn. Plus he doesn’t like it when I paint his nails pink, no matter how much I tell him the colour looks great on him.”

Simon doesn’t say anything and Magnus stays quiet for a few minutes before he ventures, “It’s worth it, though. This waiting around. I know I used to wonder if I’d ever find mine. But I have and I would have waited fifty years if I had to just to have a few with him.”

“Thanks,” Simon says.

Magnus nods and then says, “You still in that band of yours?”

“Yeah why?”

“Maybe next time you could play a set. Live music is always so much fun.”

“Um yeah. Sure. I mean yes. That’d be awesome.”

“Fantastic. Talk to you later, Sandra!” Magnus calls before walking off. Simon takes a drink of his strawberry daiquiri and wonders what colour the liquid is supposed to be. And wonders how long it will be until he can finds out for himself.  


* * *

  
Simon’s better at leaving the house now. He doesn’t do it a ton - he doesn’t have much to do. Practice resumes at Maureen’s since she has more space. He tells her about playing at Magnus’ next party and she jumps up and down. Simon grabs her hands and joins her in the bouncing. They laugh and then get back to practicing.

Clary calls him one night and asks if they can go out for a drink. It’s late and Simon had been planning on going to bed early, but even years after no longer having a crush on her, Simon has a hard time saying no to his best friend. He throws some clothes on and meets her at the bar that’s midway between their two apartments.

They order drinks and sit at a booth. Clary talks about the weather, about her latest art project. Simon listens and doesn’t mind Clary talking about whatever, but he knows there’s a reason she brought him here. This isn’t a regular activity. But Simon just waits for her to get around to it.

Which does after a few minutes of silence from them both. “I think Izzy may be my soulmate.”

“Yeah? Why’s that?” Simon asks.

“I don’t know. I mean, we both have been able to see colours for so long, which definitely could be just a coincidence. But just… the way I feel when I’m with her. I’ve never felt it before. It’s more than love, sharper, more intense. I feel so happy whenever we’re together and just her smile brings me more joy that I ever thought possible. We work well together and she gets my humor, Simon. That’s proof enough!”

Simon laughs. “That’s true.” He pauses and then questions, “Have you told her?”

“God no. What am I supposed to say? ‘Izzy I think we were made for each other. But I don’t even know if you like me that way. Hopefully you do and this won’t completely ruin our friendship!’”

Nodding, Simon says, “I get you, but you gotta tell her. Imagine if you don’t. Imagine if you go the rest of your life just as friends. Or worse - imagine losing her because you never told her how you felt.”

“Fuck you’re right. Okay. I’ll do it. You going to Magnus’ party this weekend?”

“Yeah, Maureen and I are playing. I told you that.”

“You totally did. Sorry. I’ve been a little… preoccupied.”

“Obviously,” Simon laughs. The two finish their drinks, talking lightly about what’s been going on in their lives. They finish and leave, hugging each other goodbye. 

“Thank you,” Clary whispers as she pulls him close to her. They stand like this for a few moments, part, and then walk away.  


* * *

  
Simon is not completely but slightly a lot of very much so freaking out. It’s normal. He always freaks out before playing a show. Maureen is so soft and calm and she just rolls her eyes at Simon, knowing the best thing for him to just be left alone. By the time they’ve finished setting up, his freak out has almost completely ended. Clary comes up and gives him a hug and wishes him good luck. 

Maureen introduces them and they start their set. It’s a song they’ve played literally hundreds of times before. Simon closes his eyes as they start out. He sings and finds his voice stronger than he thought it would be. Maureen’s blends with his and they sound good.

When Simon opens his eyes, he begins to scan the crowd. He sees Clary and Isabelle standing together, their hands held. Simon wonders if this means Clary had talked to her? If so, he’s upset she didn’t tell him. He sees Magnus and Alec snuggled up, Alec standing behind Magnus and holding him, arms wrapped around him. He also spots Meliorn and Jace. The two are smiling at Simon.

And then. And then. And then. It happens. It happens in phases. He sees one colour and then another. They pop up all around him, taking over the black and white and grays that have controlled his life for so long. Simon doesn’t know how he feels. It’s awe and wonder and amazement and happiness and something else he doesn’t really have a word for. 

Simon doesn’t even realize it but he’s crying. Everything is so bright and beautiful and he physically feels his heart ache. He’s so taken back by seeing the colours that it takes him a bit before he realizes what this means. His soulmate. His soulmate is here. Somewhere. He imagines he must be in the crowd, must have been someone he looked at while he was scanning the crowd. Only who?

Simon’s not sure how he manages to get through the song and then the next. He wants nothing more than to jump into the crowd and ask each person if they can see colours now. As he plays, he looks at each person and tries to see who it could be. A boy catches his eye as he walks through everyone and stops next to Magnus and tells him something. Simon sees Magnus nod and the boy turns and faces Simon for just a quick flash before walking off.

And Simon knows. He’s not sure how, but he knows that’s him. He turns to Maureen and says, “I’m sorry,” before slinging his guitar behind him and rushing off the stage. He runs as fast as he can until he’s outside. He looks around and wonders where he could have gone when he sees him, a block away. Simon runs again and when he reaches him, he’s out of breath.

Simon places his hand on his shoulder and the man turns around. He eyes grow when he sees him and Simon smiles. It’s him. He knows it. He fucking knows it. What he doesn’t know is what to say. So he settles on a simple, “Hello.”

The other looks at him, blank expression, and Simon can’t help but wonder if he’s wrong. What if it’s not him? Or worse - what if he’s Simon’s soulmate but Simon isn’t his? But soon the man’s grimace softens into this smile and he says in the smallest voice, “Everything is so beautiful.”

And Simon knows how he feels. The world was beautiful before, of course, but having the colours has given him so much more. “You’re so beautiful,” Simon counters, feeling ridiculous as he says the words. But the boy smiles.

“I’m Raphael,” he says.

“I’m Simon and I think I’m your soulmate.” 

Raphael smiles and laughs. “At least buy a guy a cup of coffee first.”

“Okay. Let’s go.” Raphael shrugs and starts to walk off and Simon follows until: “Shit. I don’t have my wallet. I left it back at the party. You know. The party I was supposed to be playing for. Magnus is gonna kill me.” Simon stops walking as he talks.

Raphael laughs, his laugh loud and bright. “Did Magnus ever tell you about when he first met Alec?”

“No?”

“Well. First off, he meets him and he literally trips over his own feet and lands on the ground, hitting his head pretty hard, and Alec comes over and helps him off the ground and Magnus starts mumbling about how tall Alec is and how he wants to climb him. And he didn’t just stop there. He kept going on and on about it all while Alec walked him to the hospital to get his head checked. So Magnus will understand. He knows all about doing stupid things when you meet your soulmate.”

“At least he has the excuse of hitting his head. I just ran out on a gig. Running after you. Which… why did you leave?” Simon questions. He’d been kind of wondering it. All he’s wanted for years and years was to meet his soulmate and yet Raphael’s reaction was to run away when it happened. He didn’t get it.

“I was scared. Soulmates are kind of a big deal and seeing you and then seeing colours and knowing what that meant I just… it was too much for me to handle. I’ve never been with anyone before. I’ve never really liked anyone before either. I honestly didn’t even think I had a soulmate.”

“Oh. Okay.” Simon doesn’t know what else to say. “Well. We can take this as slow as you want. There’s no pressure.”

Raphael looks up at Simon and flashes the sweetest smile Simon has ever seen. “Thank you. Maybe we could start with that cup of coffee you owe me?”

“Sure thing,” Simon says as they start walking again. “Only you’re gonna have to pay as I still don’t have my wallet.”

Raphael smiles again and says, “I think that’ll be just fine.” And Simon is surprised when he feels Raphael’s hand grab onto his. He smiles, their fingers lacing together, and he hopes he never has to let go.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading you guys are the best. Please let me know what you think and come talk to me on [tumblr](http://autisticraphael.tumblr.com/).

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [[Podfic] let the colours run](https://archiveofourown.org/works/7836184) by [orphan_account](https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account)




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